Pest control have just vacated our rented flat in north-east London. Behind, they’ve left the comforting smell of weapons-grade disinfectant, which they’ve pumped down a hole in the skirting board through which a dead rat rots.
We’re here for five weeks because we’re renovating our own flat. It being a short-term let, we’ve gone the Airbnb route, which isn’t cheap. And here we are, thousands of pounds down, living in a place that stinks of dead rat and, on closer inspection, has mice in the kitchen, and a moth infestation in the carpet in the lounge where Dexter, our toddler, is sleeping.
I did this weird half-cry, half-retch thing when Lyubo, the pest controller, explained the extent to which this flat is a health risk. My protective mother instincts went into overdrive. Also, what is up with landlords in this city?
Our Airbnb host, Jess, didn’t actually seem that bothered about the dead rat. She was similarly non-committal about the unsanitary state of the flat when we moved in. It was half a day’s work to get it to a level of cleanliness I could live with.
The piece de resistance was the nitrous oxide canister I found under the sofa in the lounge, along with ring pulls and coins dulled by a patina and layer of dust.
‘I can assure you the place has been professionally cleaned,’ Jess WhatsApped in response to the photographic evidence.
It’s with great relief that I remind myself we have our own home to go back to once the renovations are done. And we’ve been fortunate enough to able to stump up the cash to do this building work, despite my mortgage company refusing me a further advance because I’d been on maternity leave.
In trying to turn this misery nest into somewhere passable, while keeping another eye on the building job at home, I’ve strained under the weight of the emotional labour and the ever-growing mental load that comes with this level of production.
Our time in the misery nest thus far has certainly been grim – but useful, too. It’s illuminated the gloriousness of what ‘at home’ feels like; that delicious embrace of safety and security that comes from a place filled with love and care. A soft place to land. A home made from the heart.